Friday, February 25, 2011
Apology #214
Dear Dream House, I'm sorry, but you will just have to wait a few more months for me to buy you. Try to put off bad vibes for anyone else who looks at you, but if you can't, I guess I'll have to forgive you. Sincerely, Me
Apology #213
Dear Friday, I'm sorry that I was confused this morning and thought you were Thursday. What a happy surprise! Sincerely, Me
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Apology #212
Dear Crude Oil Prices, I'm sorry, but I fear that if you continue to climb, the global economy will be on the brink of collapse again. I'm not sure if 2% of the global supply is worth a $70/barrel jump...but then again, I like to be cautious. Sincerely, Me
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Apology #210
Dear Massage Therapist, I'm sorry that I cheated on you when we went to get a couples massage. I was reminded how awesome you are and how much I appreciate you...which you know since we left you a ridiculous voicemail apologizing for cheating on you about 30 seconds after we left our appointment. No more cheating! Sincerely, Me
Apology #209
Dear People At My Gym, Sorry that I have started to wear tighter clothes to work out in. I figure that they are more for motivating me to work out my flab than for you to stare at my ass. Good luck with that. Sincerely, Me
Apology #208
Dear Vegan, Gluten Free Friends, I'm sorry that I cannot make everything gluten free and vegan...but at least I now know that Crisco is vegan and something you can eat, therefore, helping me to understand that you can eat some non-healthy things...oh, and thanks for teaching me that you can also eat fritos...that, for some reason, is fascinating~ Sincerely, Me
Apology #207
Dear Mom, I'm sorry that you are sick and had to stay home from work. Really though, I'm sorry that you called me in the middle of the day when you were bored and wanted to talk when I was actually busy for the first time in months. I guess it is sort of payback for the times I have called you when you are at work. Maybe we should try calling each other at night like normal people =) Sincerely, Me
Apology #206
Dear Elder In-Laws, I'm sorry, but you asking and/or talking about our sex life is off limits. That is all. Sincerely, Me
Apology #205
Dear Friend of a Friend, I'm sorry that you are completely bonkers and think that I'm trying to "steal" your/our friend away from you. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the only truth that is blindingly apparent is that you kind of suck as a friend and that's probably why you are upset. Maybe someday you will get over it. Sincerely, Me PS Selling drugs to said friend's spouse when they are on probation and then not telling said friend about it = really messed up.
Apology #204
Dear Primary Care Physician, I'm sorry that I feel the need to give you a lengthy explaination on why I would like to see a specialist when you are overworked and could probably give a crap about me seeing someone else for a change. Hope you don't get *sick* of me =) Sincerely, Me
Apology #203
Dear Sibling, I'm sorry that I was worried that you would be upset by the gift we sent for you and your new baby. You seemed perfectly delighted and that makes me happy. Sorry for ever doubting you. Sincerely, Me
Apology #202
Dear In-Laws With A Baby, I'm sorry that we never see you. Not sure why we never get together, but it does sadden me a bit that you see the other side of your family at least once a week. Here's to ridiculous schedules. Sincerely, Me
Apology #201
Dear Winter Weather, I'm sorry that I wished for you over the Christmas holiday. You seem so nice back then. Now I pretty much loathe you...unless you can snow enough to close down my office (which would take a miracle)...so maybe let's work on that. Sincerely, Me
Apology #200
Dear Title Company, I'm sorry that you decided, on your own, to change items on the deed to my house, then had me sign that paperwork only to declare that it was invalid three days later...because of your mistake. I'm also sorry that you do not seem to want to admit that you made said mistake. Everyone involved knows that it was you, so why not own up to it? Sincerely, Me
Apology #199
Dear Readers, I'm sorry that it has been so long between apologies. Not really sure why...just life, you know? So I'm sorry and I promise I'll try to do better...until the next time I fall off the almost-daily posting wagon. Sincerely, Me
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Apology #198
Dear EU Co-Worker Here This Week, I'm sorry, but I can't seem to focus on my actual work with you constantly interrputing me, asking me how to use the phone for the 5th time, demanding that I redo an organizational chart because you can't remember names, and/or just asking me how life is going when I can't understand you due to your thick accent and scary windburned face. Sincerely, Me
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Apology #197
Dear Parents Who Live In A Different State, I'm sorry that I haven't called in three weeks. I'll call later on this week. The snow/ice combo is making me turn into a hermit (aka lazy). Sincerely, Me
Apology #196
Dear Friends I Haven't Seen In A Long Time, I'm sorry I'm so bad about picking up the phone and calling you. I sometimes feel like you must be as tired, or even more so, than I am and therefore don't mind spending an hour on the phone catching up on the most recent shenanigans. I'll try to do better. Sincerely, Me
Apology #195
Dear Notary of the Public Who Came To My House Last Night, I'm sorry that your employer failed to tell both you and me that my spouse needed to be present during my refinance closing and that you had to drive us to his place of employment so he could sign three pieces of paper. But hey, at least I was able to feel like a pimp riding around in a Mercedes SUV. Thanks. Sincerely, Me
Apology #194
Dear Preggo, I'm sorry that you are having marital issues, especially since you are 7 months pregnant. I'm also sorry that I am constantly fighting the urge to say, "I told you so". Maybe someday you will get your life in order, but right now, things aren't looking too good. Sincerely, Me
Apology #193
Dear Cold Weather, -14 degrees is not cool. I'm sorry that you seem to think otherwise. Sincerely, Me
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)