Apology #237

Dear Mechanical Engineer In My Office,

I'm sorry that you love to maintain such a wall around you so that no one here even knows that your wife is pregnant with your second child. That is something to celebrate, even for a jerk like you. I only know because you will talk with your friends and family about it when they call during the day and you talk loud enough that people can deduce what you are discussing even through a closed door.

I pray that your children turn out somewhat well adjusted.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #228

Dear Friend Who Gave Birth Recently, I'm sorry to tell you that the wonder of your childbirth is something I am ok not witnessing a second time. Also, please stop telling my spouse and myself to get on the baby train...after what I saw, I think it is going to take a while. Sincerely, Me

Apology #223

Dear Brother and Sister-in-Law, I'm sorry that I don't feel ridiculous amounts of love for your newborn daughter as of yet. I'm not sure how invested I want to become with your child since you only sort of started talking with me again after an almost 4 year hiatus. Hopefully the day will come where I don't have to worry about not loving my niece enough, because I already will. Sincerely, Me

Apology #203

Dear Sibling, I'm sorry that I was worried that you would be upset by the gift we sent for you and your new baby. You seemed perfectly delighted and that makes me happy. Sorry for ever doubting you. Sincerely, Me

Apology #202

Dear In-Laws With A Baby, I'm sorry that we never see you. Not sure why we never get together, but it does sadden me a bit that you see the other side of your family at least once a week. Here's to ridiculous schedules. Sincerely, Me

Apology #194

Dear Preggo, I'm sorry that you are having marital issues, especially since you are 7 months pregnant. I'm also sorry that I am constantly fighting the urge to say, "I told you so". Maybe someday you will get your life in order, but right now, things aren't looking too good. Sincerely, Me

Apology #183

Dear Front Office Lady, I'm sorry that your husband was hurt at work and is now at home on workman's comp. I'm also sorry that he is unable to watch your 9 month old baby because he cannot pick anything up over 20 lbs. But I am kind of disappointed in you that you are bringing said 9 month old baby to the office where she screams the entire time. Maybe you should look at a different day care provider...I'll even help! Sincerely, Me

Apology #173

Dear Women I Know Who Lost Their Husbands Recently, I'm sorry that you have lost your husband. It makes it worse that you were pregnant at the time. I know a few of you and I am so tremendously sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what pain you have gone through even with the joy of having a new baby around. Sincerely, Me

Apology #33

Dear Jerkwad that I work with,

I'm sorry that you're not getting any sleep due to your newborn son and that you think that it is your stay at home wife's responsibility to get up every time he screams.  I'm sorry that you are tired during the day which leads to you being cranky, but honestly, who can tell if you are cranky or not?  You've always been a douchebag and always will be a douchebag.

I'm not sorry though that Karma is a bitch and this is what you get for being such an ass all of the time.

Sincerely,
Me