Apology #245

Dear Man Standing Outside of Wal-Mart,

I'm sorry that it seemed to me as though you were talking passionate to the cars driving by...you looked like a crazy person, but my guess is that you had a blue tooth on that was obscured by your long hippie hair. Get a job.

Sincerely, Me

**Note -- I feel I must clarify why I was driving past the Wal-Mart...you see, our grocery store, pet store and Wal-Mart all share the same parking lot, so unless I want to fight traffic getting on or off the highway, driving past the entrance of said store is inevitable.

Apology #244

Dear Front Office Chick,

I'm sorry that you seem to think that wearing spandex pants and/or leggings is ok just because they are black. They are NOT ok. Even if you were a size 2, they would not be ok...and honey, you are far from being in that size 2. Please do us all a favor and burn them when you get home.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #243

Dear Dog,

I'm sorry that I'm taking you to the groomers on Friday. Last time you were there you seem traumatized, but I'm guessing that was from the HUGE pit bull next to you that barked in your face the entire time. Poor Puppy. But at least you'll be clean for about 5 minutes after I pick you up! Always a plus =)

Sincerely, Me

Apology #242

Dear Guys In The Shop,

I'm sorry that you didn't realize you were cutting an active water pipe and then ended up with a flood on your hands. I am not sorry, however, that we had to stay here sans accessbile toilets until you fixed your mistake.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #241

Dear Gym,

I'm sorry I haven't seen you in over a week now. A part of me actually misses you...mostly because when I am able to visit you and get my sweat all over you, that means I'm healthy...and when I don't see you, that means I'm either on vacation (I wish!) or sick (super lame). Hopefully we'll see one another soon.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #240

Dear Crazy People of the World,

I'm sorry that you are crazy, but thank you for making me feel so well adjusted.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #239

Dear Cranky Police Officer In The Unmarked Car Yesterday,

I'm sorry that you deal with jerks all day long. I'm sorry that this has skewed your view of people...although, I can't say that I'm surprised with the caliber of people you must interact with daily. I'm also sorry that you were trying to block my way home yesterday, but did such an unsuccessful job that I thought you were pulling someone over in a weird way instead of actually blocking said road.

Therefore, no need to be an a*hole when I apologize for trying to go around your weird stop...but at least you sort of melted when I explained that you just stopping in the road like you did, didn't really signify that things were closed...oh well...at least you are there to help us when things go wrong. And thank you for that.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #238

Dear Truck Drivers,

I'm sorry that you have to make a living by sitting on your butt for hours on end, getting hemmeroids, worrying about jerk drivers, and eating crap food... BUT that does not give you the right to give me the stink eye when I have the right of way (not just me thinking I have the right of way, but you are coming out of a parking lot and I am on the actual street...so real right of way) and you have to stop for me.

Maybe get more coffee.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #237

Dear Mechanical Engineer In My Office,

I'm sorry that you love to maintain such a wall around you so that no one here even knows that your wife is pregnant with your second child. That is something to celebrate, even for a jerk like you. I only know because you will talk with your friends and family about it when they call during the day and you talk loud enough that people can deduce what you are discussing even through a closed door.

I pray that your children turn out somewhat well adjusted.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #236

Dear IRS,

I'm sorry that you seem to think we owe you a whopping $31 this year. How is that even possible? Guess it is time to readjust my W4...but seriously, I was counting on that fatty check you generally send me every year around this time.

You suck.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #235

Dear Gramps,

I'm sorry that you had to celebrate another year without Grams...although, to be selfish, I kind of like having you around =)

Sincerely, Me

Apology #234

Dear Uncle and all of his party guests,

I'm sorry that I had such bad gas on Saturday night. I tried to walk away from groups into rooms with open windows, but apparently that smell wanted to follow me.

Thanks for not saying anything...because it was embarrassing =(

Sincerely, Me

Apology #233

Dear Work,

I'm sorry that I'm applying for new jobs during business hours, using your computer and your internet connection. If only you actually had something for me to do! I know I shouldn't complain about that, but unlike a vast majority of people, I actually like to be busy during work hours instead of pretending to be busy...makes the day go by faster. S

incerely, Me

Apology #232

Dear Local Friends and family,

I'm sorry that I have to keep secrets from you...they are for your own good because they are about things I'm thinking of doing, not things that have already been decided upon...and please do not think that this means I'm going to off myself or anything...it means that these things are life changing in a most positive manner...maybe not positive for you, but definitely positive for me and my spouse.

Sincerely, Me

Apology #231

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm sorry that my brother, your son, does not think about your feelings. I know that someday he will look back on this past 10 year period and wonder what happened and probably blame some external force instead of thinking about the things he did and how he could have changed them. I guess that if it is any consolation, at least you still have me. Sincerely, Me

Apology #230

Dear Doggins, I'm sorry that I made you go for a run while I rode my bike on Saturday. I'm glad that we turned around when we did so you could get some rest. I guess we need to get you back in running condition...shouldn't be too hard since you are part greyhound! Sincerely, Me

Apology #229

Dear Endocrinologist, I'm sorry, but I think that you are fairly ridiculous in thinking that upping my workouts to 5 days a week of non-stop cardio is actually going to make a difference...adding one extra hour may help a bit, but it definitely won't melt that extra 25 lbs off! Sincerely, Me

Apology #228

Dear Friend Who Gave Birth Recently, I'm sorry to tell you that the wonder of your childbirth is something I am ok not witnessing a second time. Also, please stop telling my spouse and myself to get on the baby train...after what I saw, I think it is going to take a while. Sincerely, Me

Apology #227

Dear Lymph-nodes, I'm sorry that you are currently pissed off and that drinking copious amounts of water is not helping. Please give me some sign that you are getting better soon! Sincerely, Me