Dear Office Mates,
I'm sorry that I kept my door closed for most of yesterday, but really, you should be thanking me. Due to some unforeseen "complications" from eating soup with beans in it, well...I'm guessing you know where this is going. Let's just say that I'm sorry that things got a little smelly...but at least I spared you from the bulk of it!
Thanks be to whomever invented scented room spray. They are my hero.
Sincerely,
Me
PS
Smells from yesterday have completely dissapated and we will NOT be having a similar situation today...hopefully.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Apology #263
Dear Potential New Job,
I'm sorry that somehow you will probably not have the right salary range for me. You sound like a wonderful job where I can grow, but if I receive an offer from you, I'm not sure I can accept...mostly because it wouldn't be just another job...it would mean that we would move across the country and start a new life.
That being said though, we are in a tough economy and you will most likely offer me more than I am currently making. I'm not sure if I can realisticly expect more than what I am guessing you will offer.
Only time will tell.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that somehow you will probably not have the right salary range for me. You sound like a wonderful job where I can grow, but if I receive an offer from you, I'm not sure I can accept...mostly because it wouldn't be just another job...it would mean that we would move across the country and start a new life.
That being said though, we are in a tough economy and you will most likely offer me more than I am currently making. I'm not sure if I can realisticly expect more than what I am guessing you will offer.
Only time will tell.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #262
Dear New Guy,
I'm sorry, but you seem imcompetent. It is hard to respect you when you make such rash, unthought-out decisions.
But then again, I'm not in your shoes...so even though it is hard to respect you, I'll try to be nice...as much as I can that is.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry, but you seem imcompetent. It is hard to respect you when you make such rash, unthought-out decisions.
But then again, I'm not in your shoes...so even though it is hard to respect you, I'll try to be nice...as much as I can that is.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #261
Dear Coffee,
I'm sorry that I don't drink you more often. I know that I should due to the incredible health benefits you provide, but the whole coffee breath/nasty mouth combo you leave me with is really gross...and I don't like to share that with most people.
I guess I'll try harder to utilize you more...but we'll just have to play that one by ear.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I don't drink you more often. I know that I should due to the incredible health benefits you provide, but the whole coffee breath/nasty mouth combo you leave me with is really gross...and I don't like to share that with most people.
I guess I'll try harder to utilize you more...but we'll just have to play that one by ear.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #260
Dear Work,
I'm sorry that you are not fulfilling anything other than my need to pay bills/pay my mortgage. Sitting here, waiting desperately for another project to be approved, is starting to kill me.
I'd like to say that I'm sorry for trying to find another job, but that would be dishonest.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you are not fulfilling anything other than my need to pay bills/pay my mortgage. Sitting here, waiting desperately for another project to be approved, is starting to kill me.
I'd like to say that I'm sorry for trying to find another job, but that would be dishonest.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #259
Dear Guy In The Shop,
I'm sorry that you are ridiculously stressed out...mostly because I told you to calm the fuck down yesterday and then you ended up in the emergency room thinking you were having a heart attack.
Seriously, I'm sorry that you can't get your body to run in harmony with you. Just a reminder though, we aren't curing cancer so you shouldn't get that stressed over work.
Just sayin.
Feel better!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you are ridiculously stressed out...mostly because I told you to calm the fuck down yesterday and then you ended up in the emergency room thinking you were having a heart attack.
Seriously, I'm sorry that you can't get your body to run in harmony with you. Just a reminder though, we aren't curing cancer so you shouldn't get that stressed over work.
Just sayin.
Feel better!
Sincerely,
Me
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Apology #258
Dear US Postal Service Office,
I'm sorry that I just assumed that you would be open at 8am like the rest of civilization...I mean, today is a workday.
I guess I have to go back and fight in the trenches to send my package off in the mail.
Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I just assumed that you would be open at 8am like the rest of civilization...I mean, today is a workday.
I guess I have to go back and fight in the trenches to send my package off in the mail.
Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Apology #257
Dear Aspen,
I thought you were going to be somewhat cool because of your portrayal in "Dumb and Dumber" but you really sucked. You weren't even like any of the other mountain towns we have visted...and that I expected you to be like.
Sorry you didn't live up to the hype and that I will most likely never visit you again, unless it is to see the Hunter S. Thompson Memorial.
Sincerely,
Me
I thought you were going to be somewhat cool because of your portrayal in "Dumb and Dumber" but you really sucked. You weren't even like any of the other mountain towns we have visted...and that I expected you to be like.
Sorry you didn't live up to the hype and that I will most likely never visit you again, unless it is to see the Hunter S. Thompson Memorial.
Sincerely,
Me
Friday, September 2, 2011
Apology #256
Dear Co-Worker,
I'm sorry that I have been a bit snappy lately...but you do know that it is month end and that every other department besides yours has to compile reports that take at least a day and a half to complete?
Yeah, I don't really like to be bothered when I'm balls deep in a spreadsheet.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I have been a bit snappy lately...but you do know that it is month end and that every other department besides yours has to compile reports that take at least a day and a half to complete?
Yeah, I don't really like to be bothered when I'm balls deep in a spreadsheet.
Sincerely,
Me
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