Apology #259

Dear Guy In The Shop,

I'm sorry that you are ridiculously stressed out...mostly because I told you to calm the fuck down yesterday and then you ended up in the emergency room thinking you were having a heart attack.

Seriously, I'm sorry that you can't get your body to run in harmony with you. Just a reminder though, we aren't curing cancer so you shouldn't get that stressed over work.

Just sayin.

Feel better!

Sincerely,
Me

Apology #4

Dear Body,

I'm sorry I drank so much vodka last night because now you are punishing me. I guess it is only fair since we are both another year older and vodka doesn't leave us nice and perky as it once did when we were 18.

But seriously Body, can't we just work together? It was our birthday party after all!

Let's talk about this soon.

Sincerely,

Me