Apology #259

Dear Guy In The Shop,

I'm sorry that you are ridiculously stressed out...mostly because I told you to calm the fuck down yesterday and then you ended up in the emergency room thinking you were having a heart attack.

Seriously, I'm sorry that you can't get your body to run in harmony with you. Just a reminder though, we aren't curing cancer so you shouldn't get that stressed over work.

Just sayin.

Feel better!

Sincerely,
Me

Apology #251

Dear Camping Neighbors,

I'm sorry that we were a-hootin and a-hollerin for most of Saturday night...well, when I say sorry, it really means that I'm not in this case because we had a crapload of fun and I didn't really appreciate your stink eye Sunday morning when you decided it would be nice to walk your three MASSIVE pit bulls by our camp just to tell me that, "gee, you guys had fun last night, huh?"

Yes...yes we did.

Sorry, but not really...oh...and I said that to your face too.

Sincerely,
Me

Apology #181

Dear Iced Over Street I Must Cross On My Way Into The Office Every Morning, I'm sorry you are icy. But I am not sorry that I have managed, so far, to stay upright while crossing you. Now that I have jinxed myself though, you and my bottom will soon be meeting in a very unfortunate way. Sincerely, Me

Apology #23

Dear Flight Attendant,

I'm sorry that you have to work on a pressurized tube that is hurtling through the sky at a ridiculous speed, but that does not, and I repeat DOES NOT, give you the right to hit me every time you pass with your drink cart.  If you hit me one more time I'm going to have to make a scene...and no one wants that...especially the US Marshall being all "incognito" on the flight.

So please, let's just work this out together.

Sincerely,
Me