Dear Spouse,
I'm sorry for being so gassy last night and waking you up with my fart. Man, that one was a doozy!
Sincerely,
Me
PS
Beano does not work.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Apology #26
Dear Readers,
I'm sorry that I'm going on vacation and giving you more than one apology per day. Trying to cover my bases, you know? I'm going to try my hardest to be as far away from the computer as possible...so again, my apologies for front loading the daily apology and then missing a few days in between!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I'm going on vacation and giving you more than one apology per day. Trying to cover my bases, you know? I'm going to try my hardest to be as far away from the computer as possible...so again, my apologies for front loading the daily apology and then missing a few days in between!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #25
Dear Weather,
I'm sorry that I cannot always support your decisions to change every five minutes. Some days it is nice when you make the change from blizzard to nice sunny day...but today, the decision to be overcast and comfortable to 100+ degrees and then back to cloudy but hot is not so nice.
Get your shit together.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I cannot always support your decisions to change every five minutes. Some days it is nice when you make the change from blizzard to nice sunny day...but today, the decision to be overcast and comfortable to 100+ degrees and then back to cloudy but hot is not so nice.
Get your shit together.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #24
Dear Bride to be,
I'm sorry that things get so hectic before a wedding and you realize three days before d-day that you have forgotten to invite your family (aka out of town guests) to dinner the night before. You then send a message on facebook, tell me to call and forget to include your number after asking me to let you know how many of the family will be there. Considering I live 2000 miles away from the rest of said family, gee, it's hard to say who will make it to this last minute dinner or not!
Sorry for my snarkiness, but seriously, get a planner!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that things get so hectic before a wedding and you realize three days before d-day that you have forgotten to invite your family (aka out of town guests) to dinner the night before. You then send a message on facebook, tell me to call and forget to include your number after asking me to let you know how many of the family will be there. Considering I live 2000 miles away from the rest of said family, gee, it's hard to say who will make it to this last minute dinner or not!
Sorry for my snarkiness, but seriously, get a planner!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #23
Dear Flight Attendant,
I'm sorry that you have to work on a pressurized tube that is hurtling through the sky at a ridiculous speed, but that does not, and I repeat DOES NOT, give you the right to hit me every time you pass with your drink cart. If you hit me one more time I'm going to have to make a scene...and no one wants that...especially the US Marshall being all "incognito" on the flight.
So please, let's just work this out together.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you have to work on a pressurized tube that is hurtling through the sky at a ridiculous speed, but that does not, and I repeat DOES NOT, give you the right to hit me every time you pass with your drink cart. If you hit me one more time I'm going to have to make a scene...and no one wants that...especially the US Marshall being all "incognito" on the flight.
So please, let's just work this out together.
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Apology #22
Dear Corporate Cell Phone Guy,
I'm sorry that you think a marketing person should have a phone that is over 2.5 years old. Two years ago it was out dated! Now the battery doesn't work and you have suggested, then ordered a new battery for me.
I'm sorry that my phone will probably die before this new battery runs out of life and then you will be stuck sending me that extra phone you have tucked into a drawer, but do not want to send because then, and I quote, "I wouldn't have an extra phone then, now would I?"
I'm also sorry you are a douchebag.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you think a marketing person should have a phone that is over 2.5 years old. Two years ago it was out dated! Now the battery doesn't work and you have suggested, then ordered a new battery for me.
I'm sorry that my phone will probably die before this new battery runs out of life and then you will be stuck sending me that extra phone you have tucked into a drawer, but do not want to send because then, and I quote, "I wouldn't have an extra phone then, now would I?"
I'm also sorry you are a douchebag.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #21
Dear Vacation,
I'm sorry that I cannot speed time up to make you get here faster, nor slow time down once you arrive. I'm sure we will have a lovely time together, but I wish that it could be more like a month instead of a week.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I cannot speed time up to make you get here faster, nor slow time down once you arrive. I'm sure we will have a lovely time together, but I wish that it could be more like a month instead of a week.
Sincerely,
Me
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