Dear Corporate Cell Phone Guy,
I'm sorry that you think a marketing person should have a phone that is over 2.5 years old. Two years ago it was out dated! Now the battery doesn't work and you have suggested, then ordered a new battery for me.
I'm sorry that my phone will probably die before this new battery runs out of life and then you will be stuck sending me that extra phone you have tucked into a drawer, but do not want to send because then, and I quote, "I wouldn't have an extra phone then, now would I?"
I'm also sorry you are a douchebag.
Sincerely,
Me
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