Dear Crazy People of the World,
I'm sorry that you are crazy, but thank you for making me feel so well adjusted.
Sincerely, Me
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Apology #239
Dear Cranky Police Officer In The Unmarked Car Yesterday,
I'm sorry that you deal with jerks all day long. I'm sorry that this has skewed your view of people...although, I can't say that I'm surprised with the caliber of people you must interact with daily. I'm also sorry that you were trying to block my way home yesterday, but did such an unsuccessful job that I thought you were pulling someone over in a weird way instead of actually blocking said road.
Therefore, no need to be an a*hole when I apologize for trying to go around your weird stop...but at least you sort of melted when I explained that you just stopping in the road like you did, didn't really signify that things were closed...oh well...at least you are there to help us when things go wrong. And thank you for that.
Sincerely, Me
I'm sorry that you deal with jerks all day long. I'm sorry that this has skewed your view of people...although, I can't say that I'm surprised with the caliber of people you must interact with daily. I'm also sorry that you were trying to block my way home yesterday, but did such an unsuccessful job that I thought you were pulling someone over in a weird way instead of actually blocking said road.
Therefore, no need to be an a*hole when I apologize for trying to go around your weird stop...but at least you sort of melted when I explained that you just stopping in the road like you did, didn't really signify that things were closed...oh well...at least you are there to help us when things go wrong. And thank you for that.
Sincerely, Me
Apology #238
Dear Truck Drivers,
I'm sorry that you have to make a living by sitting on your butt for hours on end, getting hemmeroids, worrying about jerk drivers, and eating crap food... BUT that does not give you the right to give me the stink eye when I have the right of way (not just me thinking I have the right of way, but you are coming out of a parking lot and I am on the actual street...so real right of way) and you have to stop for me.
Maybe get more coffee.
Sincerely, Me
I'm sorry that you have to make a living by sitting on your butt for hours on end, getting hemmeroids, worrying about jerk drivers, and eating crap food... BUT that does not give you the right to give me the stink eye when I have the right of way (not just me thinking I have the right of way, but you are coming out of a parking lot and I am on the actual street...so real right of way) and you have to stop for me.
Maybe get more coffee.
Sincerely, Me
Apology #237
Dear Mechanical Engineer In My Office,
I'm sorry that you love to maintain such a wall around you so that no one here even knows that your wife is pregnant with your second child. That is something to celebrate, even for a jerk like you. I only know because you will talk with your friends and family about it when they call during the day and you talk loud enough that people can deduce what you are discussing even through a closed door.
I pray that your children turn out somewhat well adjusted.
Sincerely, Me
I'm sorry that you love to maintain such a wall around you so that no one here even knows that your wife is pregnant with your second child. That is something to celebrate, even for a jerk like you. I only know because you will talk with your friends and family about it when they call during the day and you talk loud enough that people can deduce what you are discussing even through a closed door.
I pray that your children turn out somewhat well adjusted.
Sincerely, Me
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Apology #236
Dear IRS,
I'm sorry that you seem to think we owe you a whopping $31 this year. How is that even possible? Guess it is time to readjust my W4...but seriously, I was counting on that fatty check you generally send me every year around this time.
You suck.
Sincerely, Me
I'm sorry that you seem to think we owe you a whopping $31 this year. How is that even possible? Guess it is time to readjust my W4...but seriously, I was counting on that fatty check you generally send me every year around this time.
You suck.
Sincerely, Me
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Apology #235
Dear Gramps,
I'm sorry that you had to celebrate another year without Grams...although, to be selfish, I kind of like having you around =)
Sincerely, Me
I'm sorry that you had to celebrate another year without Grams...although, to be selfish, I kind of like having you around =)
Sincerely, Me
Apology #234
Dear Uncle and all of his party guests,
I'm sorry that I had such bad gas on Saturday night. I tried to walk away from groups into rooms with open windows, but apparently that smell wanted to follow me.
Thanks for not saying anything...because it was embarrassing =(
Sincerely, Me
I'm sorry that I had such bad gas on Saturday night. I tried to walk away from groups into rooms with open windows, but apparently that smell wanted to follow me.
Thanks for not saying anything...because it was embarrassing =(
Sincerely, Me
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