Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer Guy,
I'm sorry I made you so extremely happy with what was left over on my Wal-Mart gift card when I haded it to you last night. There was only $6.50 left on there and you acted like I had given you a check for a million dollars! I'm happy that I could give it to you after spending the other $18 on giant tupperware bins to put our Christmas decorations into, but honestly, I did not expect the emotion that came out of you...so really, instead of an apology, I would like to say thank you for being so genuine in your shock and surprise, but also a bit sorry that $6.50 is so much in this season of giving.
Here's to you Bell Ringer Guy. Because of you many people are given hope.
Sincerely,
Me
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Apology #151
Dear Front Office Lady,
First, thank you for organizing this year's holiday party, but I have to say that I am sorry that it was a dismal event where everyone just ate the "catered" Safeway meal that I had to microwave for you and then everyone slowly dispersed as soon as you sat down. I'm also sorry in your outfit choice today. I know that you were trying to be festive, but honestly, no one looks good in velour anymore...especially not you.
Just trying to be helpful!
Sincerely,
Me
First, thank you for organizing this year's holiday party, but I have to say that I am sorry that it was a dismal event where everyone just ate the "catered" Safeway meal that I had to microwave for you and then everyone slowly dispersed as soon as you sat down. I'm also sorry in your outfit choice today. I know that you were trying to be festive, but honestly, no one looks good in velour anymore...especially not you.
Just trying to be helpful!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #150
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry that we can't go out to dinner tonight for your birthday because we live in different states...but that being said, Happy Birthday!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that we can't go out to dinner tonight for your birthday because we live in different states...but that being said, Happy Birthday!
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Apology #148
Dear Forest,
I'm sorry that you have so many trees that are ugly and therefore not the perfect tree for me to cut down to put in our house for Christmas. Finally, after two hours of hiking all around you and being unable to see trees for the forest, we found a nice tree...only after I thought we were going to die out in the wilderness with our dog, no water and no means to start a fire if we couldn't find our car again.
So forest, next year, I think we might just go to a lot and pay for an overpriced tree. Saving $40 seemed like a good idea, but it sure wasn't.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you have so many trees that are ugly and therefore not the perfect tree for me to cut down to put in our house for Christmas. Finally, after two hours of hiking all around you and being unable to see trees for the forest, we found a nice tree...only after I thought we were going to die out in the wilderness with our dog, no water and no means to start a fire if we couldn't find our car again.
So forest, next year, I think we might just go to a lot and pay for an overpriced tree. Saving $40 seemed like a good idea, but it sure wasn't.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #147
Dear Dog I Tried To Dogsit,
I'm sorry that I had to send you home after spraying you with the spray bottle, yelling at you after you went after our retarded cat, getting into a fight with our dog when you went after said retarded cat, putting you in the kennel/crate when we went to bed, taking you out of the kennel/crate because you started to howl in the house, trying everything we know to get you to lay down, go to sleep and leave the cats alone. There was more but I am tired after typing all of that. Not to mention the fact that you woke me up every twenty minutes to half an hour after I succumbed to your demands, locked the cats in both of the bedrooms and slept on the couch with you, because you wanted to get behind those closed doors and eat the cats.
I'm sorry I had to concede defeat. It isn't pretty.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I had to send you home after spraying you with the spray bottle, yelling at you after you went after our retarded cat, getting into a fight with our dog when you went after said retarded cat, putting you in the kennel/crate when we went to bed, taking you out of the kennel/crate because you started to howl in the house, trying everything we know to get you to lay down, go to sleep and leave the cats alone. There was more but I am tired after typing all of that. Not to mention the fact that you woke me up every twenty minutes to half an hour after I succumbed to your demands, locked the cats in both of the bedrooms and slept on the couch with you, because you wanted to get behind those closed doors and eat the cats.
I'm sorry I had to concede defeat. It isn't pretty.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #146
Dear Co-Worker I Tried To Dogsit For,
I'm sorry your dog tried to eat my cats and therefore couldn't stay with us for the entire week. One night was enough.
Sorry again!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry your dog tried to eat my cats and therefore couldn't stay with us for the entire week. One night was enough.
Sorry again!
Sincerely,
Me
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Apology #145
Dear Front Office Chick,
I'm sorry, but it is winter (Christmas is only 17 days away and we are in Denver) and you are wearing capris in the office.
I guess my apology is more to myself that I have to deal with your weirdness...so...
Dear Self,
I'm sorry you work with a bunch of morons.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry, but it is winter (Christmas is only 17 days away and we are in Denver) and you are wearing capris in the office.
- It is freezing
- I don't want to look at your calves
- If you insist on wearing capris in the winter, the least you could do is turn up the heat in the office since you are the only one with a key to the thermostat cover
- Did I mention that it is winter?
- I have my winter coat draped over my long pants as well as my company branded zip-up hoodie on and I'm still freezing. Something about this just doesn't make sense.
I guess my apology is more to myself that I have to deal with your weirdness...so...
Dear Self,
I'm sorry you work with a bunch of morons.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #144
Dear Coffee Travel Mug,
I'm sorry that I cursed at you this morning, but you practically scalded my hand when you decided that it was ok for you to leak my green tea all over the place.
Not sure what your problem is since you appear to be closed all the way and your lid is on as tight as it will go.
Guess that will teach me to shop in the bargain bin!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I cursed at you this morning, but you practically scalded my hand when you decided that it was ok for you to leak my green tea all over the place.
Not sure what your problem is since you appear to be closed all the way and your lid is on as tight as it will go.
Guess that will teach me to shop in the bargain bin!
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Apology #143
Dear Jobs That Require You To Be Religious,
I'm sorry that you feel it is right to discriminate because I am not a member of your particular religion. Way to jump on the judgement bandwagon with my mother-in-law and hate me because I'm not Catholic.
Shame on you. You just made Jesus cry.
Sincerely,
Me
PS
I could totally understand if this was a position for, say, a church secretary or a religion specific bookstore...but a marketing director for neither of those? C'mon!
I'm sorry that you feel it is right to discriminate because I am not a member of your particular religion. Way to jump on the judgement bandwagon with my mother-in-law and hate me because I'm not Catholic.
Shame on you. You just made Jesus cry.
Sincerely,
Me
PS
I could totally understand if this was a position for, say, a church secretary or a religion specific bookstore...but a marketing director for neither of those? C'mon!
Apology #142
Dear Snobbish Friends,
I'm sorry that you have become this way. You used to be fun.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you have become this way. You used to be fun.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #141
Dear Trainwrecks In My Life,
I'm sorry that you are in the situation you currently find yourself stranded in, but let's be honest, I warned you! I'm trying to be supportive of you, but not of your decisions and I have to say that it is a tough battle.
Someday you'll get your shit figured out...I hope!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you are in the situation you currently find yourself stranded in, but let's be honest, I warned you! I'm trying to be supportive of you, but not of your decisions and I have to say that it is a tough battle.
Someday you'll get your shit figured out...I hope!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #140
Dear PassiveAggressiveNotes.com,
I'm sorry, but I love you too much. I must limit myself to one visit to your site per fortnight.
I wish things could be different.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry, but I love you too much. I must limit myself to one visit to your site per fortnight.
I wish things could be different.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #139
Dear Awanas,
I'm sorry that I only used you to get out of class when I was in elementary school. I'm not entirely convinced that it was worth it, but hey, you live and learn...and then you stay in class because your parents won't buy you the vest you needed to continue on in Awanas.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I only used you to get out of class when I was in elementary school. I'm not entirely convinced that it was worth it, but hey, you live and learn...and then you stay in class because your parents won't buy you the vest you needed to continue on in Awanas.
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Apology #138
Dear Co-Worker,
I'm sorry that you walked in on me picking my nose in the "privacy" of my cubicle. Sometimes that barrier of a tissue between your finger and the crusty boogers is just too much. Sorry that you had to see that and that you probably didn't even notice the fresh tissue on my desk waiting in case I got something gross out of my left nostril. But don't worry, I used hand sanitizer right after you caught me...but man, too bad you had to see that. Working in an office full of men (minus the front office lady) has turned me into a heathen.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you walked in on me picking my nose in the "privacy" of my cubicle. Sometimes that barrier of a tissue between your finger and the crusty boogers is just too much. Sorry that you had to see that and that you probably didn't even notice the fresh tissue on my desk waiting in case I got something gross out of my left nostril. But don't worry, I used hand sanitizer right after you caught me...but man, too bad you had to see that. Working in an office full of men (minus the front office lady) has turned me into a heathen.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, December 6, 2010
Apology #137
Dear People Who Write LOL ALL OF THE FLIPPING TIME,
I'm sorry, but you force me to hate you. Learn how to write out a complete word or just type in "hahaha".
I don't think that we can be friends now.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry, but you force me to hate you. Learn how to write out a complete word or just type in "hahaha".
I don't think that we can be friends now.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #136
Dear Surprise Party Guests,
I'm sorry that you thought I was in charge of an in-laws birthday party just because his wife asked me to decorate. No, I do not think I can boss around the waiters for your amusement and no they cannot turn the lights off in this special room without turning them off in the entire restaurant...so please stop asking!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you thought I was in charge of an in-laws birthday party just because his wife asked me to decorate. No, I do not think I can boss around the waiters for your amusement and no they cannot turn the lights off in this special room without turning them off in the entire restaurant...so please stop asking!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #135
Dear Jobs I'm Applying For,
I'm sorry that I am applying for jobs when I don't currently live in your particular state. I would move before getting a job, but you know, that whole responsibility thing keeps getting in the way.
Hopefully you can look past my current geographical situation and call me in for an interview.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I am applying for jobs when I don't currently live in your particular state. I would move before getting a job, but you know, that whole responsibility thing keeps getting in the way.
Hopefully you can look past my current geographical situation and call me in for an interview.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #134
Dear Creepy Friend of my In-Laws,
I'm sorry I find you increasingly creepy every time I'm near you. Maybe it is the fact that you find it necessary to claim ownership of our new niece even though you are a friend or that you unintentionally make us feel guilty for not being able to "go shopping for her every single day after work." I don't know, but you are creepy. And by the way, that baby belongs to me by blood, so when I ask to hold her, you should give her to me no questions asked.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry I find you increasingly creepy every time I'm near you. Maybe it is the fact that you find it necessary to claim ownership of our new niece even though you are a friend or that you unintentionally make us feel guilty for not being able to "go shopping for her every single day after work." I don't know, but you are creepy. And by the way, that baby belongs to me by blood, so when I ask to hold her, you should give her to me no questions asked.
Sincerely,
Me
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Apology #133
Dear Weight Watchers,
I'm sorry that you didn't adjust your points system sooner to help focus on healthy eating. Now that you have done so, maybe I'll lose more weight!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you didn't adjust your points system sooner to help focus on healthy eating. Now that you have done so, maybe I'll lose more weight!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #132
Dear In-Laws,
I'm sorry that I am a little weirded out by the way you have recently decided that you love me and want to continually tell me that fact. It only took 8 years for you to do so and now I'm not sure what to make of it. Guess I'll just take the love and dish it right back.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I am a little weirded out by the way you have recently decided that you love me and want to continually tell me that fact. It only took 8 years for you to do so and now I'm not sure what to make of it. Guess I'll just take the love and dish it right back.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #131
Dear Bitchy Waiter,
I'm sorry that you have to deal with insufferable people, but man, the stories they provide are pretty much priceless.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you have to deal with insufferable people, but man, the stories they provide are pretty much priceless.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Apology #130
Dear Co-Worker,
I'm sorry that you have not been able to concieve another child since having your first one in May...this, however, does not really give you free reign over what you leave, on display, in the bathroom. If I wanted to know your menstrual cycle, I would just ask you.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you have not been able to concieve another child since having your first one in May...this, however, does not really give you free reign over what you leave, on display, in the bathroom. If I wanted to know your menstrual cycle, I would just ask you.
Sincerely,
Me
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