Apology #34

Dear Beloved Cousin,

I'm sorry that Grandma decided to tell you that "you're almost my favorite".  We all know that means that I took the #1 spot because I am the shit.

I love you all the more because you laughed it off and told me that I was Grandma's favorite, even without her saying it.

You are truly the best!

Sincerely,
Me

Apology #16

Dear Any Number but 16,

I'm sorry, but 16 is my favorite number and the rest of you must be sad forever more.

Sincerely,
Me