Dear Big-Wig From Europe Visiting This Week At The Office,
I'm sorry that I just don't like you or your accent. Some days you sound like Hitler...and you aren't even from Germany.
What gives?
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Apology #96
Dear Wind,
I'm sorry, but you suck. Gale force winds with clear and sunny skies? C'mon...at least give me some rain!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry, but you suck. Gale force winds with clear and sunny skies? C'mon...at least give me some rain!
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #95
Dear Toes,
I'm sorry that socks are not enough to help keep you warm during the winter months. Perhaps we need to get another cat and train it to sit directly on you.
Hmmm...possibilities.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that socks are not enough to help keep you warm during the winter months. Perhaps we need to get another cat and train it to sit directly on you.
Hmmm...possibilities.
Sincerely,
Me
Friday, October 22, 2010
Apology #94
Dear Sibling and their Spouse,
I'm sorry that you feel the need to keep everything about your pregnancy so secretive. Especially the part where you sent me a text of the ultrasound and then posted it on facebook an hour later. A phone call would have been nice on this occasion, but maybe that's just me. Hope your kid is able to adjust quite nicely once it comes out since I'm fairly sure this means I won't be able to spend any time with them.
Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you feel the need to keep everything about your pregnancy so secretive. Especially the part where you sent me a text of the ultrasound and then posted it on facebook an hour later. A phone call would have been nice on this occasion, but maybe that's just me. Hope your kid is able to adjust quite nicely once it comes out since I'm fairly sure this means I won't be able to spend any time with them.
Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #93
Dear Office Mates,
I'm sorry that you have the Bubonic Plague, but you really should stay at home instead of infecting me...or anyone else in the office for that matter.
Also, I'm sorry that your mother never taught you to cover your mouth (preferably with your elbow) when you cough or to hold a tissue up to your nose when you sneeze.
You need some manners and lessons in personal hygine...but don't come knocking on my door with your germ encrusted hands...there's no amount of hand sanitizer that will make you go away.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you have the Bubonic Plague, but you really should stay at home instead of infecting me...or anyone else in the office for that matter.
Also, I'm sorry that your mother never taught you to cover your mouth (preferably with your elbow) when you cough or to hold a tissue up to your nose when you sneeze.
You need some manners and lessons in personal hygine...but don't come knocking on my door with your germ encrusted hands...there's no amount of hand sanitizer that will make you go away.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #92
Dear Perez Hilton,
I'm sorry that I liked you better when you were "mean" to celebrities. I completely understand your new stance due to the bullying issues that have come to light all over the country, but this new, softer side of you just isn't the same.
For example, you once called a celebrity "Beef Curtains"...of course you were only repeating a rumor/nasty nickname, but nonetheless it was fairly humorous...this week, you called that same person, and I quote, "lovely and beautiful...how are you so adorable?"
I guess I'll have to try to be a better person like you are...but for now, I'm sorry, I still like to be immature =)
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I liked you better when you were "mean" to celebrities. I completely understand your new stance due to the bullying issues that have come to light all over the country, but this new, softer side of you just isn't the same.
For example, you once called a celebrity "Beef Curtains"...of course you were only repeating a rumor/nasty nickname, but nonetheless it was fairly humorous...this week, you called that same person, and I quote, "lovely and beautiful...how are you so adorable?"
I guess I'll have to try to be a better person like you are...but for now, I'm sorry, I still like to be immature =)
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Apology #91
Dear Co-Worker,
I'm sorry that you felt the need to NOT say anything when I had spinach in my teeth yesterday. Please be forewarned that the same courtesy will be extended to you and will result in me laughing at you in my head.
Maybe next time we can work together to avoid embarassment in the correct manner.
Until then, spinach rules!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you felt the need to NOT say anything when I had spinach in my teeth yesterday. Please be forewarned that the same courtesy will be extended to you and will result in me laughing at you in my head.
Maybe next time we can work together to avoid embarassment in the correct manner.
Until then, spinach rules!
Sincerely,
Me
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