Dear GI Tract,
I'm sorry I had to take a mixture of laxatives last night (aka The "Gut Bomb") so you would be happier. I'm also sorry that this had some disasterous results.
Maybe some day we can come up with a nice schedule, but until then, be warned.
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Apology #128
Dear Morning Commuters,
I'm sorry that you think it is a good idea to get into the fast lane when there isn't anyone in front of you in the middle lane. When you do that, I have to slow down and I'm sorry for myself on that one. You have made me late more than once...and I'm sure you will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you think it is a good idea to get into the fast lane when there isn't anyone in front of you in the middle lane. When you do that, I have to slow down and I'm sorry for myself on that one. You have made me late more than once...and I'm sure you will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, November 29, 2010
Apology #127
Dear Mouse Living In The Garage,
I'm sorry that I screamed like a little girl when I almost picked you up out of the dog food container with the handy dog food scoop. Man, I wish I had that on film because it was pretty hilarious.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I screamed like a little girl when I almost picked you up out of the dog food container with the handy dog food scoop. Man, I wish I had that on film because it was pretty hilarious.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #126
Dear Food Network,
I'm sorry that I said that your recipie was going to be horrible, especially since everyone loved it. But seriously, if you want to teach someone to carmelize sugar, maybe more instructions other than heat the sugar and water until the sugar melts and carmelizes would be best.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I said that your recipie was going to be horrible, especially since everyone loved it. But seriously, if you want to teach someone to carmelize sugar, maybe more instructions other than heat the sugar and water until the sugar melts and carmelizes would be best.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Apology #125
Dear Becky,
I'm sorry that you have to get another weird operation to rewire your nerve endings so they don't feel pain. But honestly though, I would really appreciate not having to see your facebook status about it and how you can't go snow shoeing this year.
At least you're off the horse tranquilizers.
Sincerely,
Me
**before you judge me on this one, she's totally crazy...I have people who can vouch for that.
I'm sorry that you have to get another weird operation to rewire your nerve endings so they don't feel pain. But honestly though, I would really appreciate not having to see your facebook status about it and how you can't go snow shoeing this year.
At least you're off the horse tranquilizers.
Sincerely,
Me
**before you judge me on this one, she's totally crazy...I have people who can vouch for that.
Apology #124
Dear Ms. Morris (High School English Teacher),
I'm sorry that I still use quotation marks in the most appropriate ways, which generally means that I am trying to convey sarcasm via quotes and italics. Maybe someday I'll learn, but every time I hit the quotation mark keys, I think of you.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I still use quotation marks in the most appropriate ways, which generally means that I am trying to convey sarcasm via quotes and italics. Maybe someday I'll learn, but every time I hit the quotation mark keys, I think of you.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #123
Dear Guncles (Gay Uncles for those of you not in the know),
I'm sorry that sometimes I need a night to myself and declined to watch that new movie, "Eat, Pray, Love" with you last night. But honestly, its not like we won't be over at your house all day Thursday, so I hope you get over the crushing disappointment!
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that sometimes I need a night to myself and declined to watch that new movie, "Eat, Pray, Love" with you last night. But honestly, its not like we won't be over at your house all day Thursday, so I hope you get over the crushing disappointment!
Sincerely,
Me
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