Dear Cousin Who JUST Had A C-Section,
Sorry that when I bent down to give you a goodbye hug, I accidently put pressure on your stomach and/or incision. Thank you for not crying out in pain and/or slapping me silly for hurting you.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, September 20, 2010
Apology #67
Dear friends,
Sorry if I have ever given you advice. After being on the receiving end this weekend and getting unwanted/unwarranted advice from quite a few people who have no idea what my life entails, I was ready to explode. So I'm sorry that I ever gave you advice in the first place...how you didn't ever want to punch me in the face seems to be a miracle!
I'll try to do better in the future and keep my big mouth shut.
Sincerely,
Me
Sorry if I have ever given you advice. After being on the receiving end this weekend and getting unwanted/unwarranted advice from quite a few people who have no idea what my life entails, I was ready to explode. So I'm sorry that I ever gave you advice in the first place...how you didn't ever want to punch me in the face seems to be a miracle!
I'll try to do better in the future and keep my big mouth shut.
Sincerely,
Me
Friday, September 17, 2010
Apology #66
Dear Mall That Is Sort Of Close-sh To My House,
Sorry that you are like a ghost town and that no one likes you anymore. I believe that you hit your height of popularity during the late 80s and have been sliding into oblivion ever since. I'm not sorry however, that I rarely visit you. When my muted footsteps are amplified by the cavernous empty space and you can hear me from 100 yards away because no one is there but me, maybe it is time to close up shop.
Good luck with that one. This economy is hard, but sometimes you just have to throw in the towel.
Sincerely,
Me
Sorry that you are like a ghost town and that no one likes you anymore. I believe that you hit your height of popularity during the late 80s and have been sliding into oblivion ever since. I'm not sorry however, that I rarely visit you. When my muted footsteps are amplified by the cavernous empty space and you can hear me from 100 yards away because no one is there but me, maybe it is time to close up shop.
Good luck with that one. This economy is hard, but sometimes you just have to throw in the towel.
Sincerely,
Me
Apology #65
Dear Dog,
I'm sorry that I did not take you on a walk last night as promised. I'm sure that playing in the house and backyard was not sufficient to release your doggie energy, so perhaps we shall go on an extended hike this weekend.
Sincerely,
Me (Your Bad Pet Owner)
I'm sorry that I did not take you on a walk last night as promised. I'm sure that playing in the house and backyard was not sufficient to release your doggie energy, so perhaps we shall go on an extended hike this weekend.
Sincerely,
Me (Your Bad Pet Owner)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Apology #64
Dear Thursday,
I'm sorry to say that you are no longer my favorite day of the week. You have officially been replaced by Saturday, the day of sleeping in, hopefully lounging around and possibly some social interactions.
Gone are the days of "Thirsty Thursday" which entailed getting drunk and wreaking havoc on the fair city I then lived in, but alas, Thursdays now just mean I glare at the alarm clock and get out of bed slower than I did the day before.
Maybe someday we can like one another again Thursday, but I just don't see that happening until I retire.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry to say that you are no longer my favorite day of the week. You have officially been replaced by Saturday, the day of sleeping in, hopefully lounging around and possibly some social interactions.
Gone are the days of "Thirsty Thursday" which entailed getting drunk and wreaking havoc on the fair city I then lived in, but alas, Thursdays now just mean I glare at the alarm clock and get out of bed slower than I did the day before.
Maybe someday we can like one another again Thursday, but I just don't see that happening until I retire.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Apology #63
Dear Temp Worker from the shop,
I'm sorry that you happened to walk past my cubicle this morning around 7 to see me picking my nose. What you missed was the wad of tissue in my other hand waiting for the spoils of war to be deposited.
Thank you for pretending not to notice my disgusting foray into "gold mining", but sometimes a tissue around your finger just isn't enough!
Again, my apologies.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that you happened to walk past my cubicle this morning around 7 to see me picking my nose. What you missed was the wad of tissue in my other hand waiting for the spoils of war to be deposited.
Thank you for pretending not to notice my disgusting foray into "gold mining", but sometimes a tissue around your finger just isn't enough!
Again, my apologies.
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Apology #62
Dear "Walk & Tone" shoes,
I'm sorry that I mocked you in my offline life by saying that you are all ugly shoes and anyone who wears you is dumb...because you do come in some flattering styles that aren't ridiculous and I have to say that you actually work!
My apologies.
Sincerely,
Me
I'm sorry that I mocked you in my offline life by saying that you are all ugly shoes and anyone who wears you is dumb...because you do come in some flattering styles that aren't ridiculous and I have to say that you actually work!
My apologies.
Sincerely,
Me
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